Monday, November 8, 2010

Revenge of the Slime Blob!

For those of you who are reading this and are not weight loss surgery patients, I'll explain a little known phenomenon called "Sliming".  It's what happens when we eat something that's just too big or too sticky to make it through the 'hole' (stoma) leading to the stomach.  The offending food item gets 'stuck' and wants to either come up or go down, but can't.  That's why it's drilled into our heads to take tiny bites and chew everything down to a paste like consistency.
All the bandsters talk about it, and I thought it had happened to me, that is until it REALLY happened to me yesterday.
Here's the offender...

Actually, I'm the offender, because I didn't follow the rules, but right now I'd rather blame the darn chip!
I've had these chips many times before without a problem.  However, I usually have them with a bit of hummus or some tuna.  I'm pretty sure this was the first time I ate one dry.  Good Lord, what happened next is something right out of a horror flick.
Picture me, at the sink, feeling like I'm going to either choke to death or have a heart attack (or both).  My kids are asking "Mommy, why are you spitting into the sink?".  I'm trying to answer them but it hurts like hell to try to talk while having a chip lodged somewhere between my esophagus and my stomach.  This weird squeak sound keep coming out, and I feel like I have to burp.  Here comes the slime.  You know that feeling that comes over you just before you throw up, when your mouth starts to fill with saliva?  We've all been there.  Now multiply that by 1000 and you have "Slime".  It's gross and all you can do is keep spitting and hope it stops.  Then, all of a sudden, a huge atomic bomb mushroom of slime expelled itself from my body (no chip as far as I could see), and then it was all over.

Like I said, I thought I knew what all these other people were talking about because I had felt that feeling of a piece of food being 'stuck' and even had slimy mouth before.  However, when that happened all I had to do was sit and wait patiently for the food to eventually make its' way down and the feeling to pass.  THIS was totally different and a million times worse!
I have been initiated into the Bandsters Slime Hall of Fame, and I am so not honored.
Let's just chalk this up to a lesson learned and move on.  Please, OH Please, don't let that happen again!

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