Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Food Issues

We all have food issues, and maybe we even know where some of them come from, but I'm really trying to figure out why I have these issues, and why they bother me so much. 
Example...Sunday I knew I had to work all afternoon and would be getting home right around dinner time.  I put dinner in the crock pot before I left for work.  It was ready and smelling delicious when I walked in the door at 5.  I was so proud of myself for planning ahead and having a healthy and yummy dinner waiting for me.  I sat down to eat, took 2 bites, felt really uncomfortable and couldn't eat any more.  I have to say I was PISSED!  Part of me says "Well, isn't that what the band is for,so you can eat less?" and the other part of me says "That's a delicious dinner sitting there in front of me and I can't even have it!".  Maybe I would have been happy about it if I actually felt full and not in pain.  Those darn 2 bites were stuck and causing major discomfort.  I should mention that later in the evening I slimed up half a dozen jelly fish blobs, and then out came a green bean!  The darn green bean must have slid down without being chewed and couldn't get through the opening.  Makes sense, but I was still mad about my awesome dinner.

Monday I had a decent day, and tried to stick to mostly mushy foods and avoid a replay of Sunday night.  At dinner I sat down to have some home made black bean soup.  Totally healthy and full of protein.  Three small, slow bites, and...Frick!  So stuffed and uncomfortable I couldn't eat any more.  It's soup for God's sake!  No sliming this time, but it didn't feel good.  OK, I was probably still a bit inflamed from the night before so I shouldn't be mad, but I am. 
Which brings me to my question.  Why does it bother me so much?  Why do I care.  I'm obviously not going to waste away to nothing and die of starvation.  I get plenty of protein in during the day.  I'm not having health issues and am not malnourished.  So, why do I care if I can't eat my dinner.

This is just a guess but I think it might be partially because I grew up poor.  We weren't 'dirt poor', because we did have a roof over our heads and we always had dinner on the table.  However, there wasn't a lot of money and we ate what we had, no questions asked.  We also learned very early on not to waste food.  THAT would be a total sin!  So maybe my inability to eat my dinner causes anxiety about wasting food.  Maybe I feel guilty.  I don't know really what the whole answer is but I need to get over it because this is my life now.  I refuse to go in for another un-fill and know I can adjust and get through this.  I need to be patient and get over these darn food issues (without getting pissed every night!).

So, do you have lingering food issues?  What are they?  Are you getting over them?  I'd love to hear about it!

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