Friday, November 4, 2011

A Long Overdue Weigh In, and Reflecting

I haven't posted a weigh in for several weeks.  It's not that I've had anything to hide, it's just that things have been remaining pretty much the same. Right after the un-fill and the Disney trip I had gone up about a pound and it stayed there for a long time. Now that pound is gone and I'm holding steady at 165 again.

I went from hitting the gym 6 days a week to now struggling to get there 4 days. It's tough with hubby out of town and the girls going to 2 different schools, so I'm going as often as I possibly can. Maybe that's why I'm sitting at this current weight, or maybe my body is just happy here for now. It is what it is, I guess.

Speaking of weight, I remember back when I met the hubby and started caring more about my appearance. I started at WW again, and hit the gym. Then we were planning our wedding so I had even more reason to focus my efforts.  Nobody wants to be a fat bride, right? Well, I dropped more than 60 pounds and got down to 183 (on our wedding day). The thing is, I was so happy with that. I was totally fine with my appearance and felt successful. I was back at my high school weight, which had been my goal. I don't remember for one minute thinking I needed to lose more or do more. Now I'm wondering why.
Did I think that was the best I could do?

The other thing I've been wondering is why now that I've lost even more than I did then, am I not really satisfied? I wonder when I'll stop being so critical of my body. I hate my thighs, butt, belly, etc. Will losing 15 more pounds remedy that? I'm not so sure. It's not that I don't see my success, because I do. I know I've done well. It's just that I always want more. I want to weigh 150. I want to be in a smaller size. Why? I don't know.
I'm constantly questioning if I can be happy staying here at 165 for the rest of my life. My doc seems to think I'm fine right where I am. He's happy. Am I?

I certainly don't know the answer yet and I'm not really expecting any of you readers to find it for me. I'm just wondering if you're going through something similar. I'd love to hear your story.

Happy Friday everyone!


Ronnie said...

I wish you luck in finding out where you're happiest at! I'm definitely in the same boat as far as wishing I liked what I saw in the mirror a bit more.

Caron said...

My goal weight has changed through the years. For most of my life I was striving to get to 125 and I did reach it twice but, almost immediately, I would start going back up on the scale. Now I'm happy at 140 or a few pounds below. This morning I was 137.8 and that's okay with me.

Beth Ann said...

I still have about 10 pounds to lose to get to my high school weight. I'm 100% that I will not be happy with that. :) I will keep you posted!