Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Just Trying to Catch Up

I usually post on Saturday but this week I totally skipped it for several reasons. First of all because I had to work and had to leave the house before the crack of dawn (way before!).

Then at work I was swamped with non-stop calls, and severe dizzy spells.
I have very low blood pressure and every once in a while I know it's way down because I can't even stand up without feeling like the room is spinning. That was my Saturday.

Then there's the issue that I've gained weight since my un-fill. *sigh*.
At the time of the un-fill you may remember I was down to a crazy new low of 155. I had never been that weight before in my life and only got there because I was so darn sick I couldn't eat a morsel without seeing it again. I knew once I had the un-fill that the weight would come back on, and it has, but I'm still ridiculously unhappy about it. I keep trying to remind myself that losing 70 pounds is nothing to sneeze at, but my heart says "well, 75 is WAY better than 70". Talk about self hatred. Sheesh!

I'm totally stressed out at the moment which does NOT help with the weight loss at all. We found a house in Wisconsin, which is great. However that leaves me here trying to pack up, clean, get rid of stuff, keep the house in order for possible showings, stress about having 2 mortgage payments, along with all my regularly scheduled duties...and on and on and on.
I'm not sleeping well. I fall asleep fine but then wake up somewhere around 2am. unable to relax. Stress bites the big one!

On a more positive note, I've been keeping up the exercise like it's my part time job. One of my close friends joined my gym recently and she's been getting me to do classes that I never thought I'd try, and meeting me there at times that I don't normally go. It's so much more fun when you have a friend to go with! She's dragging me to Zumba tomorrow, which I've never done. I guess we can laugh at each other, and our lack of rhythm.

And today I did something I haven't done in 16 months. I ATE breakfast. I didn't drink a protein shake. I actually cooked oatmeal (with milk for added protein) and sat down at the table with my kids and ate. I was hoping the semi-solid food would keep me full longer than the shake. Even though it felt great to eat warm food for breakfast, it did not keep me full longer. I found myself digging through the pantry at 9:30am. Maybe tomorrow I'll try eggs.

On that note, I'm going to call it a night and try to get some quality sleep.
Have a good one!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

I've never done a "10 things" post but I'm sitting here on my lazy butt and have a million things running through my mind, so why not.

1. We found a house in Wisconsin. We just had it inspected and it did fairly well except that it's a 20 year old house with 20 year old windows. I guess that comes along with the territory. We close in about a month.

2. I was supposed to meet a friend at spin class yesterday and when I got there the class was full. I decided to go upstairs to the fitness floor and do my own thing. BORING! I ran 4 laps around the track, lifted weights on a bunch of boring machines, and did about a zillion crunches. Now I know why I love group fitness classes so much. They are NOT boring.

3. I've been using myfitnesspal.com to track my food, instead of writing it in my little note book. It's pretty cool and I've been faithfully tracking every day. I haven't lost an ounce. Nice.

4. I'm going to Vegas in less than a month with my sister and BFF. I'm pretty sure I only have one cool outfit to wear, and I have no cool shoes to match said outfit. Now is not the time to go shopping, since we are buying a house. Doesn't it figure that I am finally at a great place with my weight and body shape, I could totally wear some super sexy outfits, and I have no money to buy anything. This is my life.

5. Hubby and I plan on taking the entire day Sunday to clean, organize, and get our current house ready for sale. I don't know how I'll keep it 'show ready' with two messy kids running around. I'm pretty sure that's impossible. *sigh*

6. Even though I haven't lost any more weight, my favorite jeans are too big in the waist. I think the core exercise class I've been taking is working its magic. I really need to take measurements.

7. I'm still having occasional, minor heartburn. It usually happens when my stomach is completely empty, like in the morning before breakfast. Residual effects from being way too tight and irritated? I'm keeping an eye on it.

8.  I'm patiently waiting for my 6 year old to get home so she can keep the 4 1/2 year old busy and I can get stuff done. That's the way it works around here!

9. I've been packing a little bit every day and still feel like I've gotten nothing done. It's never ending. We've only lived here 5 years yet we have so much stuff! Where did it all come from, and where do I put it now? I've been secretly throwing out and donating stuff when my kids are at school. I can't fathom moving all this junk!

10. It's 40 degrees here in Chicago, and I really should be outside enjoying this rare winter weather. I'm so lazy!

Have a great day everyone. See you Saturday!

Monday, January 23, 2012


Oh man, I was NOT going to face the fact that the scale is up. I was NOT going to write about it. Then I got on Blogger and saw so many of you blogging ladies posted that you had a bad weekend of eating and drinking and are up too. I guess there must have been a bandster full moon or something!

I exercised like a mad woman last week. I wonder why I bothered because once the weekend hit, I ate like crap. Why do I do that to myself? If I had done all that exercise AND made healthy food choices, I'm sure the scale would be showing me some love right now. Bad habits are hard to break.

I DID cook healthy meals all weekend as the hubby was home and I like to have a nice family dinner when he's here. All good stuff. However, we had a birthday party on Saturday, and who can turn down a crappy store bought cupcake at a kids party? I sure as heck can't. At least I didn't eat the frosting because that stuff's just gross.

Then on Sunday I had to work. I work in the depths of hellish despair when it comes to food. There are always tons of snacks and junk food EVERYWHERE in that place. They try to make it nice for us since we only get 10 minutes breaks, so they provide quick, easy to grab food. You know what that means. It's all crap. I did resist the M&M's (my arch enemy) but caved when I saw brownies. They weren't even good home-made brownies. They were processed, store bought CRAP brownies. Ugh. Old habits.

I didn't even bother doing a weigh in post on Saturday because we were super busy with swim lessons and that darn birthday party. I figured I'd do it today. Oh holy Hell, I got on the scale this morning and it told me (after I had 2 glasses of water) that I was up to 158. Last week I was 156.

I'm missing that brief moment that I was down to 155. Of course I was horribly tight and unable to eat any real food at all, but I liked it when the scale told me I was 155. I was happy there (and full of pain and heart burn!).
Before that awful episode, I was 158. That was my true weight. I was hanging out there for a while so maybe this IS my body's happy place. It sure didn't take long for me to get right back there. I've read about 'set point theory' and I know that the body likes to sit at a certain weight before it moves along and finally accepts a new number, that's why we have plateaus (that we all hate).

I'm not going to run back in for a fill to get back to the lovely 155. I NEVER want to feel that sick again, and I know it's not normal to not be able to eat food. I just miss it, that's all.
Can I be happy at 158? Possibly. I guess as long as that's where it stays, and doesn't go up any more, I can learn to love it, eventually.
But right now I'm mad about my crappy choices over the weekend, and sad that I can't maintain 155 on my own. *sigh*. I'll get over it.
On a positive note, I started the day off right today by going to an hour long spin class at the gym. It was killer and according to the bike, I burned 450 calories. And today, I have not eaten any crap!

Have a great day folks!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

It's My 'Versary

Today marks 17 months since being banded!

In honor of the bandiversary, I weighed in again today.
I'm at 156. That's one pound up from my 'super sick-unable to eat' weight of 155.
I expected that.

That means I'm down a total of 74 pounds.

My BMI is 26.
It used to be 39.

I'm now 6 pounds overweight.
I used to be 80 pounds overweight.

I used to look like this...

August 2010
Now I look like this...

January 2012

I'm really not bragging here. I'm in shock. I can NOT believe how far I've come and quite often still think of myself as the 'old' me. I have a hard time wrapping my brain around what I look like now. I see all the flaws.
I was telling a friend today that I don't even know how to shop for cool clothes because when you've spent your entire life being obese, cute clothes are not an option. This is the first time in my life that I've been able to go into any store and shop without struggling to find something to fit. It's a lot easier to shop for a size 10 than it is for 18/20 except that I never learned how to do this. I don't know how to do normal.

So today I'm posting these stats and pictures for my readers, and for me.
For you so you can see that it CAN be done, even when you struggle and plateau. It happens, and you'll get past it. If I did, you will too.
And for me because I need to be constantly reminded that I've done well. I need to stop being so darn hard on myself and really see the progress I've made. I need to remember that I am successful. 
Even on my worst day, I'm not the old me.

With that I bid you all a good night.
Be healthy, one step at a time.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Update on the Situation, and a Weigh In

Hi All.
We're out of town looking at houses again but I wanted to take a minute to let you know what happened at the doctor appt. yesterday.
Thankfully my doc was having a fill clinic at 8:30 and you bet your butt I was there at 8:29!
When I walked in he turned around, looked me up and down and said
 "Oh My God, you're so little!"
Yes, I love that man but um...I can't eat a morsel so you gotta' do something about this. He asked how much he put in last time and I had to remind him "You didn't. Last time I was here was for an un-fill of .25". And for those of you who want your band tight and think an un-fill will cause you to gain weight, I'm here to tell you that since that last un-fill in October to now, I've lost 16 pounds. Being able to eat real food definitely has its benefits.

He suggested we take out a full CC this time and see if I have any relief. If not, he would deflate the band and take an upper GI in 3 weeks. I'm not sure why the 3 weeks, but that's how he does things.
I can tell you I had 2 sips of a protein shake that morning and felt it sitting there all the way to his office, refusing to go down. As soon as he removed the 1CC I heard and felt that gurgle, sweet gurgle! Hallelujiah, RELIEF!
I drank the rest of the shake on the way home and guess what? No Problemo!

I'm so happy there was no dilatation and no serious complication. Once again, something irritated the band and for some reason, with me at least, the irritation will not go down on its own.

So, with all the craziness of not being able to eat, I lost some serious weight. Here's my weigh in for this week...I'm now at 155 which brings me a total loss to date of

75 pounds

Forgive me for not getting too excited about this awesome milestone. Yes, I lost the weight, but not in a good way. Not due to hard work and exercise. The weight loss was a result of not being able to eat ANY solid food for a week. I continued to track my calories and protein intake even though I wasn't eating much. I was at about 700 calories a day and 45g of protein. I was pretty proud of that protein intake considering the situation.
I don't want to jinx myself, but I am a realist and I imagine a couple pounds will come back now that I'm able to eat again. We'll see.

Have a great weekend everyone and I'll be back in a day or two!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Houston, We Have A Problem

I've been in denial this week, but for sure I have a problem. First the band had been super tight for a while and I knew it was because of my T.O.M.

I'm never able to eat for about 3 days when it's 'my time'. I know that. However, this month things have not gotten better, even after TOM left town. In fact, I haven't eaten anything solid in 3 days.
I've been surviving on about 700 calories a day, forcing myself to have a protein shake in the morning, and sipping broth or pudding later in the day. It's a struggle, and to make it worse, I've started to have the dreaded heart burn. I'm not getting in even half of my water each day, because it just won't go down.
I had to sleep sitting up on the couch last night because of reflux.

I called to try to get in to the surgeon but he's in surgery all day on Fridays.

By the grace of God, he has a fill clinic in the morning. I CAN'T WAIT to get in there, I will be there as soon as he opens his doors, and beg him for a deflate. I think I have a dilated pouch. In fact I'm almost sure of it.
The tightness is different this time. I have never in 17 months had trouble drinking water, until now.
Thankfully I'm not in pain (which would make me think it's a slip). Just unable to eat, and heartburn. I went and bought an OTC acid reducer which has helped me tons.

I have lost a few pounds this week of course. Gee, not eating seems to have that effect on people. I weighed in at 156 this morning, an all time low for me. I imagine once I get the un fill I may bounce back up a bit, and I'm perfectly OK with that. I like losing weight, but not like this.

I'll update after the meeting with the doc tomorrow.
Prayers for a 'fixable' problem, and no surgical procedure needed!

Have a great night everyone.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

My Secret Santa Loves Me!

Well, I've been corresponding with my secret Santa. She contacted me to let me know there was a big mix-up, which is why I hadn't gotten a gift at holiday time.
Believe me, I was no longer expecting to receive a gift and was just happy to learn the story of what happened. I've been enjoying her emails.

Well today I came home to a lovely box on my porch, jam packed with goodies! I know many of you have said you felt like your Secret Santa some how knew you and got you the perfect things, and I have to say...I know what you mean!
Here's a smattering of what was in the box...

First of all, I love all things chocolate. I also love tea, but usually don't get the flavored stuff because I can't do caffeine. So how did she know to send me chocolate flavored DECAF tea?! Awesomeness. I've already had a cup and it was divine.

Those are my all time favorite protein bars. I've been meaning to pick up some of that protein water to take on my girls weekend to Vegas since I'll be flying through dinner time. I needed a new water bottle and have been looking at them in the stores...

I could go on and on about how perfect these gifts are and how I feel like they were carefully hand picked for ME, but I'll stop there and just say a great big THANK YOU to my secret Santa. And since she's not a secret any more, maybe you'd like to go over and check out her blog at Banded for Boots.

Have a great night everyone.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Blame it on T.O.M, and a Weigh In

First, for the update on how I'm feeling. Thanks so much for all your concern and comments over my super tight band, not feeling well, and acid reflux.

Here's the deal.
After feeling like I was coming down with the flu on Thursday (and not working out) I took my 'cold and flu' medicine and went to bed at 8:00. Seriously, not long after my preschooler goes to bed. I was out like a light and slept for TEN HOURS! I honestly can't remember the last time I've been able to do that.
I woke up Friday morning feeling much better, and with my period, a week early. *sigh*.
So, I'm pretty sure T.O.M. was to blame for the whole ordeal. What the heck was that?! I've experienced headaches or a back ache, and some band tightness just before T.O.M. arrives, but never like this. This was full-on chills, nausea, inability to eat anything (even pudding), and all around feeling like crap.

I took Friday off from the gym as well since I was not feeling back to 100% yet. I also stuck to full liquids all day, venturing out a bit and having oatmeal for dinner. It went down fine. Phew!
I went back to the gym for a great spin class this morning. I'm still tired, and the band is still too tight to attempt solid food, but I'm pretty sure it was all T.O.M,'s fault, so I haven't called the doc yet.
I'll give it the weekend and if I'm not able to eat solids by Monday, I'm going in for yet another un-fill. Isn't this backwards? I'm supposed to be wanting fills at this point, right? Ah, fickle Phil.

Now on to the weigh in.
I managed to drop a little weight this week which is pretty typical for me during the dreaded T.O.M. which brings me to 158.5 and a grand total weight loss of...


I'll take it. I like that I'm back on the losing track. I just wish it wasn't from being flat out unable to eat!
I'm hoping for a better week this week. I miss chewing!

Happy weekend everyone. Enjoy this mild winter weather we all seem to be having.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Maybe I Misjudged Phil

The jury's still out, but I many have blamed Phil for what's going a bit too soon. This might not be band related.

I DID wake up choking on my own reflux again at 3am. That was not pleasant, and a bit shocking. I can probably blame Phil for that, since I stayed on full liquids all day and it didn't help.

However, today I feel like big doo doo. For the first time in a couple of years, I think I'm getting sick. This morning I figured I was just feeling weak because of the whole lack of eating food thing. I had  planned on going to a class at the gym, and told kiddo #2 that she could go into the play room. She loves it there. By the time we got there I was so cold and shaking so badly that I literally couldn't get my teeth to stop chattering!
So, when the play room attendant asked "Where will you be?" instead of answering "group fitness", the answer that came out of my mouth was "In the sauna, for as long as I can stand it".

I kid you not, I didn't even want to take my clothes off to go in there because I was so cold! I sat in the steam room for about 35 minutes, breathing in the eucalyptus, sipping lots of water and trying not to choke.

Every bone in my body aches. I'm tired. I'm weak. I have no appetite. I have a mild irritating cough.

After the sauna I stood in the hot shower for another 30 minutes. I looked like a lobster when I walked out of there.

I had plans on going to 3 stores after the gym but decided to just do one and get the bare essentials. Kiddo got a cookie from the bakery lady. She offered me a bite and I thought I was going to lose it. This is me we're talking about. They named the Cookie Monster after me, ya' know.

I have Tylenol in the house but am deathly afraid to take it because I don't want it to get stuck. Phil is not my friend right now, and I don't trust him.
I have the liquid stuff but it's 'cold and flu' formula which will knock me out. I still have to be the responsible adult for a few more hours, so that's not going to work just yet.

So I think I'll wait until tomorrow to call for an un-fill appointment. I may need one anyway, but I'd rather wait one more day to see what happens.

I just had a SF popsicle and am hoping for an acid free nap. We'll see how this goes.

Stay well people!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The Mashed Potato Diet

Anyone heard of that? No? Me neither. I just made it up since mashed potatoes seem to be the only thing I can eat without irritation or pain.
I'm not sure what happened. I must have eaten something that didn't agree with me.
I have discovered that I can NOT eat past 7pm. If I do, I wake up spitting, choking and coughing. The dreaded reflux.

Yesterday the band was super tight in the afternoon so I decided to just have a mini bag of popcorn while watching TV with the hubby at night. (Popcorn is not my favorite thing in the world but it has always gone down without a problem, even during my tightest episodes).
FOUR HOURS LATER, I woke up choking and spitting. I ran to the bathroom and up came itty bitty, chewed up pieces of popcorn. Crap!
I told the hubby that one of these days I'm going to choke to death in my sleep and that he should know to blame Phil (the band) for my death.

So today I had my protein shake for breakfast. Then 7 1/2 hours later I had some mashed potatoes. I forced myself to eat them because I was starting to feel weak. Then tonight I had a SF pudding. That's it for the day, and as I sit here and write this I'm burping and gurgling.
Looks like it will be a day of full liquids again tomorrow until this irritation goes back down. When I told hubby about 2 days of liquids he said "Yeah, but you have to do it for 2 days, not a day and then give up". My response was "YOU try to not chew anything for 2 days! It's torturous!".
It is torture, but I must do this to make sure all is well with the band.

I'm headed off to bed now and hoping I don't choke to death (on pudding) in my sleep!

Have a good night all.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Who Do You Do It For?

When I go to the gym, 99% of the time, I do it for me. I like the way it makes me feel, and I like a good sweat. I remember an old weight watchers leader saying "you have to be here for YOU, if you're doing it for someone else, it's not going to work". I believe that.

However, every once in a while, I kill it at the gym for someone other then myself. Sometimes if there's a new member trying out a class for the first time, I make sure I do everything just right and try to set a good example. I guess I feel it's my duty to make it look good, so they'll come back!

Then there was today. Well, I have to start with a little background so you'll understand where I'm coming from.
For a couple years now I've been taking a strength training class at 5am. It's a pretty intimate group at that time of day. We've become friendly, cheer each other on, chat a little here and there, etc. We're like a little sub-culture. The instructor knows us all by name.
BUT, there's this one guy there, always in the front row, with his elite group of friends, who has NEVER said hello to me, or even smiled and nodded in my direction. TWO YEARS people. I've been seeing him several times a week for 2 years and not so much as a hello.
This is me we're talking about. You know, Susie Sunshine. I love everyone and am probably one of the friendliest people you'd ever meet. I don't have this irrational need for everyone in the universe to love me, but when someone is so outwardly standoffish, it bothers me.
It's not like he has social anxiety, because he talks to some people, just not me.
I could be dead wrong here, but I think he's a Fatty Hater. He's like the cool high school jock who thinks people should be honored to know him. He has friends, just not fat ones.

So, back to today. I head to the gym for a kick boxing class. I was ready for a great work out. Then HE walks in. What the heck is he doing here on a Sunday?. In MY class! Grrrr. And OF COURSE, he stands right behind me. Lord Help me.

So you know what I did? I killed that class like it was my job. If you were watching me you'd think I owned the studio and Bruce Lee was my Daddy! When the instructor asked who wanted to stay longer, for an extra track, I raised my hand. NOTHING was going to make me wimp out or back down in front of that jerk. I was so thankful that I had just done this same class on Friday, so I knew exactly what I was doing!
I never even so much as looked in his direction. I acted like I didn't know who he was.
Take that Fatty Hater!

So even though most of the time, I work out for me, there's that every once in a while that I do it to prove myself to others. I'm not recommending it, I'm just admitting it!

Now, if I can't get out of bed in the morning, or walk with a limp tomorrow, I'll know how dumb I was to work out for anybody besides myself.

Happy New Year everyone!