Tuesday, May 22, 2012

And Then There Were Three...

CC's that is.

Even though I did manage to get rid of the heartburn that I was having by going on full liquids for 2 1/2 days, I decided to go in anyway . I had to bring my little one back to Illinois this morning for some dance stuff so I called my surgeons office to see if they could squeeze me in. They're awesome, and since they knew I was coming in from out of state, they got me in with a different surgeon (mine does not see patients on Tuesdays).
Apparently this dude is a general surgeon and does not do Bariatrics. However, he has partnered with my doc long enough that he's more than qualified to do an un-fill.
It was funny, he stormed into the room and said "So, you want some out? How much should I take out?". I felt like saying "You're the doctor!".
We discussed it, and even though I thought .50 CC would do the trick, he decided to take a full 1CC so that I wouldn't have to come back if the half wasn't enough. I can understand that, especially since I live 2 hours away. Better safe than sorry, right?

So, now I'm down to a whopping 3CC in my 14CC band. I'm hoping this does the trick and I can go back to eating like a semi-normal person (solid protein would be nice!).

I asked him why my band seems to keep getting tighter instead of looser over time. He feels it could be scar tissue restricting the band area. That just might make sense! Not sure why I never thought of that, and why my surgeon never mentioned it. This is my third un-fill after all.

When he was pulling out the fluid, my stomach almost immediately started to growl. I looked at him to see if he noticed, but if he did, he didn't care enough to mention it. I thought it was funny. I had some tenderness, not at the port site, but tenderness of the stomach! It's like my stomach was in a constant contraction for a week and was finally allowed to let go. So weird. I feel like someone punched me in the gut. When I got home 2 hours later I was starving.
I promised myself I would take it easy to make sure everything was OK, so first I had a cheese stick, and I ate it very slowly. Then I had a protein bar. Still starving, I had a SF popsicle. THEN I had a 100 cal. snack pack. Sheesh, I don't remember the last time I was able to eat that much in one sitting. Normally the protein bar would have sat with me for 2-3 hours. Now of course I'm scared that I'm going to gain weight. *sigh*

My doc told me several months ago that I'm in maintenance, or at least that I should be. I was reluctant to accept that, holding fast to the idea that I had 9 more pounds to lose. Well, here I sit, several months and 3 un-fills later, still having 9 pounds to lose, wondering if I just need to let go of that number.

I am not obese. I'm a normal size, I can shop in normal stores, and buy off the rack. All my clothes fit nicely, or are a bit loose. My cholesterol and arthritis are greatly improved. I exercise almost daily. I'm healthy, active and fit.
I'm not sure if I'm asking advice of my readers, or just thinking out loud, but I don't see me ever going back in for another fill if it's just to lose a stinkin' 9 pounds. It's not worth the risk of complications. The risk of heart burn. It's not worth having to go on liquids for a week every month because I can't keep food down.
So, am I ready to let go and move on? I think I might be.
This is a never ending journey, so I'll keep you posted.


Kristin50 said...

I am so glad to hear that the unfill has helped your issue! I know how frustrating this can be!

Steph said...

I'm glad that my post spoke to you. A number on the scale or on the BMI charts is just that...A NUMBER. Do you feel healthy? Are you happy? We should not beat ourselves up if we don't obtain certuian goals or reach certain weights. Our bodies know what is right for us. It is being healthy at a lighter weight, not struggling to reach some number and then feeling like a failure if we don't stay there. Listen to your body, listen to your heart and go with your sometimes rumbling gut! :)