I've mentioned it before, I'm a carbaholic.
Unfortunately I have to keep snacks in the house for my kids. They are at school for 8 hours a day so we have to send them with 2 snacks per day, which means there's always graham crackers or pretzels, or some sort of carby snack for them to take. I try to stay away from them, but as soon as I allow myself a taste, I'm off the cliff. I know what an alcoholic feels like. I can't have one nibble (or sip for the alcoholic), becasue once I do, it's all over. One portion of veggie straws turns into a handful of rice cakes, which turns into a few M&M's, then it's cereal for dinner.
I can't take it any more! I fall off the wagon, then I hate myself for being weak, then I feel like a fatty again. It's a vicious cycle! The self loathing has to stop.
So for today, tomorrow and Wednesday I'm off the carbs completely. I know on Thanksgiving I'll have a small portion of stuffing and mashed potatoes (home made with no butter), so I'm saving up.
I know I can do better. I know I can feel better and look better. I need to step up and take control.
In other news, hubby and I had to fill out a health assessment for the insurance company at his job. Personally, I think the health insurance coverage sucks. They pretty much don't pay for anything unless you sever a limb, but that's besides the point.
We each had to fill out a lengthy questionnaire about our health and habits. I lied about 2 things.
First I shaved 5 pounds off my actual weight. I had to laugh becasue the old me would have taken off at least 25-30 pounds!
Also, for the first time ever I wasn't lying about my weight because I was ashamed of the number. I actually took the 5 pounds off becasue I hate those medical charts that still consider me overweight but don't take into consideration all the other factors of my life. Their charts don't care that I exercise harder than anyone I know. They don't know that I lift weights, run, kick ass in kick boxing, and sweat daily. So I feel justified in my 5 pound alteration for this purpose.
The other question that I might have been less than truthful about was this "Do you suffer from chronic pain?". I automatically answered no. Then I thought about it. I have back and hip pain every day. Yup, I deal with it and go on with life, but I have pain every day. It's worse when I work (sitting in a chair all day aggravates it), but it's always there. That question prompted me to call my chiropractor and try to get to the bottom of this. Is it too late to ask for a new hip for Christmas?
Because I scored so high on the assessment for leading a healthy lifestyle, they're sending me a $75 gift cert. for my favorite store. Maybe I don't hate them as much as I thought I did!
One more thing...
Why do we women expect or want things for our own bodies that are unachieveable?
We have a new fitness director at the gym. She's seriously a size 0, if that. She probably has to belt her size 0 jeans so they don't fall off her teeny tiny hips. She likely has 2% body fat. And guess what? Her thighs touch. Yup, we all want thighs that don't rub together, but this miniature fitness freak has thighs that rub together. So, my thought for today? Get over it and learn to love your body! We're never going to have six pack abs, arms that don't jiggle, and thighs that don't touch. Let's move on, shall we?
Have a great day people!