Monday, March 25, 2013

What My Butt Says, and Being a Happy Drunk

If you could hear the conversations my husband and I have, you'd think we were nuts.

My MIL sent me some pajamas for Easter. I'm pretty sure she shops for me in the junior's department. They're super hero pajamas and there's a big "POW!" written across the butt, like in the old Bat Man shows.
I keep forgetting what it says when I'm wearing them.
Here's how that goes.

Me: "Honey, what's my butt say again?"
Hubby: "POW!"
Me: "Yeah, you know you like that POW! don't you?".

We're crazy, but we make each other laugh.

Yesterday we had this conversation...

Me: "Why do I even bother trying to eat real food. I'm just gonna' drink my calories all day. I'll be good and drunk before dinner every night. I'll be a skinny drunk".
Hubby: That's one heck of a plan. Let's try that.

Needless to say, after feeling much better and eating almost like a normal person for 2 days, I went a little wild and decided to have some fish last night. Ooooh, living on the edge!
Well, that didn't go well.
I'm back to liquids today, with a side of heartburn.

Have a great day folks!

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Ten Things Thursday

Well Hello there folks. It's Thursday so it's time for some major randomness, better known as Ten Things Thursday!

1. Apparently I'm not going to drop dead.
One of the reasons I had to go for an abdominal ultrasound yesterday is because my abdominal artery pumps very prominently. Meaning, you can feel it if you just rest your hand on my belly. That's sort of a big deal because it can mean there's an aneurysm. If an aneurysm bursts, you're a goner. Done.
Needless to say I'm pretty darn excited that there's no aneurysm (still no explanation as to why my artery is so loud) and nothing is gonna' burst.
Can I get an Amen!

2. When I made my Lenten promise to do the elliptical every day for the full 40 days of Lent, I had already done it for 5 days before Lent even started. I figured those would be my 'buffer' days, in case there were days I couldn't get to the machine.
I used 1 day when I had the foot pain. One day when I was sick and only consumed 300 calories and could barely hold my head up. One day when my kid was sick and had to go to urgent care, and yesterday when I had to fast for my early am. ultrasound.
I'm almost out of buffer days. That means that I have to get on that darn machine every freaking day from now until March 31 WITHOUT FAIL!
No excuses people, no excuses.

3. I ate today. REAL food. Still staying away from very fibrous things that can irritate, but I even had a bit of chicken tonight at dinner. I do believe I am healed.
Another Amen!

4. When the hubs was in China he wanted to get me a silk nightgown but never made it to the right shopping district, and ran out of time. He mentioned this to one of his employees who said she would take care of it for him. Would ya' believe I got a package from China today, with a gorgeous silk, pink nightie?
In Chinese sizes I'm an XL. I'm happy I live in America.

5. I love Co$tco. They have a no hassle return policy.
I bought a set of pots and pans 3 years ago. One of the frying pans lost its non-stick quality. I brought back the whole set today. THREE YEARS LATER ,and they gave me a full refund.
I now have a brand new set of gorgeous pots and pans. I'm a happy woman.

6. The Easter decorations are up. I hung a new spring themed shower curtain. I painted my toe nails bright orange. I shaved my legs.
I'm ready. I want to wear Capris. Spring must come now!

7. I've decided my face is more important than my butt. Let me explain.
I've always said I'd love to get down to 155. With this recent illness I got down to 157. I was not happy there. I didn't like what I saw in the mirror and on the video camera at work. I had lines in my face that weren't there before. I looked old. Not happy!
So, I decided that I can live with my juicy booty as long as my face doesn't look old. I can't handle that.
The face is way  more important than the butt. Besides, I suspect my hubby likes the rump.

8. I'm back up to 158.4 today. The face is looking better. I feel better. I can live with that.

9. My kids have one week left of Saturday am. soccer. After that I'm back to Saturday morning kick boxing and I CAN NOT WAIT. I love that class and miss it terribly. I'm ready to kick some serious butt.

10. I'm signed up for a dirty girl mud run AND a 10k and haven't run one single mile since October. Must start training soon. *sigh*

That's it for tonight folks. I hope you're all staying warm and healthy!
Have a good night.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Slowly Improving...Day by Day

It's been a while since I posted, but I've been trying to wait until I actually have something to report. I still don't have much news, but here's what's been going on...

I went to the doctor on Friday about my dizziness, nausea, and sudden weight loss without trying (who the hell loses 8 pounds in a week without trying?!). I got down to 157 and stayed there. You'd think I would keep losing since I really wasn't eating much but I think my body got to the point that it went into starvation mode. Today I'm at 158.
He gave me a full physical and pretty much came up with nothing. I told him about the pain in my left side,which he thinks could either be an intestine or an ovary. Apparently both are in the location I described.

Here's the kicker. He sends me for an ultrasound to try to figure out what's going on. I went today only to find out that intestines are not visible on ultrasound. For that I would need a CT scan.
Um, wouldn't you think a doctor would know that?

I'm waiting for the results for what they did see, if anything, and trying not to be mad that I'll have to pay $500 for this test.

My stomach is a lot better than it was last week. I actually ate mashed potatoes and didn't throw up, so that's a step in the right direction.
Last night I had oatmeal for dinner and was fine.

Not sure why I was so irritated but I'm glad it's getting better and I'm now getting in about 1,000 calories a day.
I'm back to having one Activia yogurt a day without pain. For a while there the lactose intolerance was so bad I couldn't even have a drop of cream in my coffee. But now that has calmed down too.

I'm guessing I had some sort of virus and didn't know it. I've never been so dizzy in my life, and the nausea was unbearable.
I'm regaining my strength and energy with each day, and my husband says my color is coming back to normal.

If I get any results from today's appointment, I'll post soon.

Be well, and Happy Spring!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

157.5, reflux, and T.O.M.

Here's what's been happening in my world for the past week.
Last Thursday while grocery shopping I picked up some rice cakes. I remembered I used to eat those all the time for lunch back in my early banded days and they sounded good to me. I also checked the nutritional info. for some spinach-artichoke dip and was pleased to dicover it had less fat and calories than the hummus I usually buy.

I came home, slathered the dip on the rice cakes, and enjoyed a very tasty lunch.
It wasn't long before I realized my huge mistake.
You see, I'm lactose intolerant. I can have small amounts of dairy products but if I go overboard, then I'm in trouble. I hadn't thought about the dip being dairy based, and the rice cakes being cheese flavored. Not good.

Pain...Gas...Bloating...Pain...Puking and more Puking.

It was BAD.
I felt like I was in labor and had food poisoning at the same time. I didn't eat anything for the rest of the day and knew I would be sticking to liquids the next day too, just to be safe.
No biggie. I'd been there before.

However, most times when I have to go on liquids or soft foods, I have things like yogurt, pudding, laughing cow cheese, etc. Even with my lactose issues, I've been OK with small amounts of those things to get met hrough the day.
Well, not this time. I had so much acid in my stomach, that any little bit of dairy I consumed literally curdled and came back up looking like cottage cheese. It was not pretty.

I had stopped taking vitamins and medications for fear they would get stuck or cause more discomfort.
I was a hot mess.

I stuck to liquids all day on Saturday and thought things would be better by Sunday. Nope.

The acid situation was worse and I was terrified to take a pill because of the tightness I was experiencing (likely from the vomiting on Thursday). I had no non-dairy stuff in the house except soy milk. The only thing our local grocery had was some Lactaid ice cream. I was able to pick up some liquid antacid though which helped a tiny bit.
My caloric intake for the entire day was less than 500.
I had a headache like no other, and was crabby to say the least.

By Monday I couldn't take it any more. I made my sick kid come with me on the long drive out to Trader Joe's where I knew there would be some soy products for me. I needed to consume something other than glasses of soy milk and banana smoothies!
I also got brave and broke an acid reducer in half and took it. Holy Hannah, what a relief! I hadn't realized that the acid reflux was really more of the problem than the tightness. Once that was under control I felt so much better.
TJ's did in fact have some soy yogurt which has been my life saver for the last few days. With that and my fake ice creaj, I'm still under 1,000 calories each day.

I kept whining to my hubby "why is this happening to me? Why is everything so tight and uncomfortable?"
His response "You're getting your period".
I insisted I wasn't, that it was too early for that.
Why is it that he knows my body better than I do? Of course he was right and T.O.M. came early yesterday morning.

I'm happy to report that the reflux problem is just about gone. No curdling and puking yesterday or today. I'm still on liquids because of the tightness I always have during T.O.M.
I braved my cholesterol pill today and a probiotic, and they both went down without a problem. A sure sign that things are improving.
I'm still not ready to try any dairy, but that's OK. I know it's not good for me anyway and always try to push the limits of my tolerance.

In the meantime, the scale is going down daily like there's a cash prize at stake.
My hubby keeps telling me how good I look, and how little my butt looks, but it's hard for me to be happy about something I've not been doing on purpose through hard work and dedication. This is beyond my control, and believe me, if I could eat, I would be eating!

Just goes to show you I shouldn't have posted last week that I wanted to get down to 155 because this is not how I wanted it to happen. This whole week has been a Bitch!

I'm hoping the worst is behind me and I'll be back to eating food soon. I'm not going to go running to my doctor because he's 2 hours away, and I've done that before only to regret the un-fill when things calm down.

Here's hoping for a better week!

Monday, March 11, 2013

New Food #9

OK, I swear not all my new food recipes for the year will be dessert items! It's just that the hubs was gone for the week and I didn't feel like trying a new dinner recipe while he was gone. Too many left overs, nobody to eat them.

The kids started back at swim lessons on Wednesday nights, right smack in the middle of dinner hour. I had to figure out what to feed them before the lessons that would be nutritious, give them a boost of energy, and not spoil their dinner.

Here's what I came up with...

Yet another successful food idea from Smashed Peas.

When I made this on Wednesday, I couldn't take a picture. It stuck to the pan and fell apart when I pulled it out. It wasn't pretty. BUT, it was delicious!
The other issue, because I didn't pay attention to the mini part of mini-chocolate chips, and just used regular size, my chips all fell to the bottom. I had to scrape them off the pan and use it as frosting.
Believe me, the kids did not mind one bit. The devoured half the pan and kept saying how great it was!

I made it again yesterday but did not have the gluten free baking mix on hand. I just used flour this time, and the kids had the same reaction.
I didn't taste the second batch because with regular flour, the finished product came out much more dense, and less moist. Way different consistency and texture than the first time.

Here's the pic of my second attempt...

Much firmer, didn't stick to the pan, and the correct size chocolate chips didn't sink to the bottom.
Needless to say, these didn't last long in our house!

Bandster note:
I found this to band friendly when I used the gluten free baking mix. It makes it light and airy, no too heavy. However, if you happen to get over zealous and try to eat 4 pieces, I can't guarantee you won't have problems. Not that I know anything about that personally. I'm just sayin'!

Nutrition note:
I used less sugar than is called for, because I always do. It's never been a problem and my kids have never noticed.


Friday, March 8, 2013

TTT, Friday Style

Life sort of got away from me yesterday, and I never found the time to sit down and write my Thursday post. So, one day late, here you have it...

1. I haven't slept for 2 nights now. Seriously, like WIDE awake for 4-6 hours at a time in the middle of the night. Hubby is out of town and I think that's the problem. He's a warm and calming presence to me and I need him here to cuddle me to sleep.
He comes home tomorrow which means I won't sleep again tonight since I'll be thinking about him flying all night, and how his plane could crash. You know, all the pleasant things in life!

2. My girls are very close to their Daddy. They don't like it much when he travels, especially the 7 year old. I try to make up special things to do while he's gone to take the edge off.
Saturday, the day he left, we went out for ice cream after soccer. On Sunday we skipped church and went to a movie. They loved it.
Wednesday I surprised them with chocolate chip banana bread (recipe coming later) as their after school snack. They didn't leave me any!
Tonight we're going to get in our pajamas early and watch a movie, and eat in the living room (there's a rule in our house against such shenanigans!). I picked up "Dreamer", that cute true story of the little girl and her horse. Should be a fun night.
Daddy comes home tomorrow and then I can go back to being boring old Mom. I'm out of ideas.

3. I may have mentioned before that I'd love to be able to get down to 155 and stay there. Once that I made it to exactly 155, and was there for about five minutes, and it was only because I was so sick I couldn't eat for pretty much a week. At that time I noticed I developed wrinkly old lady neck. I hated it. I figured it was from being under nourished.
Right after I got better, and had a small un-fill, I went immediately back up to somewhere around 160, and gross old lady neck went away.
Since then my weight has always fluctuated between 162-165, while I continue to dream about the possibilities of getting down to 155. *sigh*.
Well, I haven't eaten a lot in the past week. With hubby gone, I cook for the kiddos and I usually have a protein shake or yogurt in the evening. I just haven't had much of an appetite for 'real' food, and the band has been a little tight, so I'm taking it easy, while still getting in plenty of protein each day. No worries there.

Well, I'm down to 160 today. Of course I'm happy with the drop of poundage. However, I am NOT happy about the freaking OLD LADY NECK that has come back! Seriously, I lose weight in my neck? Not the huge ASS I lug around like a caboose, but my neck?
Is there some weight loss fairy out there who I can file a complaint with? This is ridiculous.
On a positive note, my husband will surely throw his arms around me and proclaim that I got so tiny while he was away. Of course that will earn him a big kiss from me.

4. My 7 year old is the Star Student of her class this week. It's so cute. They make a really big deal out of it for the kids. I went in and had lunch with her today. Well, she ate lunch, and I watched. All her little 1st grade friends were so cute sitting around us asking tons of questions, chatting up a storm. I'm so glad she loves school and has sweet friends. Gotta' love the little moments in life.

5. The primary school is holding a big book fair this week. We were told we could send in some spending money for the kids so they could shop on their own and pick something out. I was going to send each of my kids with $5 but didn't have change, so they got $10. A bit steep for me but I figure the school makes part of the proceeds, so it's for a good cause.
Then at swimming lessons one of the other moms, who has 4 kids, told me that she was planning on sending each of her kids with $20. What!? Holy cow, am I cheap or is this woman crazy?

Then, oh it gets better...while at lunch today our neighbors kid sat with us. We chatted about the book fair. I asked her which book she bought. She told me she bought lots and lots of books. Then she dropped this one..."My mom gave me $50 to spend but the total came to $80. Good thing my mom was there to give the lady more money".
Hold the phone people! This FIRST GRADER was given FIFTY dollars to bring to elementary school and buy books? Really? Would you give your 7 year old $50 to carry to school? And, if that first grader spent more than the $50, would you really bail her out and pay the overage?
Let's just say I am so glad my kids are not materialistic and we are teaching them the true value of money. When they want more than what we think is reasonable, we have them save their money for it. Mama is not an ATM machine.
I'm still in shock.

6. After leaving the school today I took myself for a McD's ice cream cone, minus the cone. I figure what the heck, Phil is too tight right now, and I'm not eating much of anything, so why not a little fat free, frozen non-dairy product? It was yummy good.

7. I've been on the wait list at the library for a movie called 'Margaret' for a long time. It's an award winner starring Anna Paquin, Matt Damon, and Mark Ruffalo. It finally came in yesterday.
First, let me tell you that it was the worst 2 1/2 hours of my life (almost). I will never get that time back. I kept fast forwarding thinking that at some point it had to get better. Sadly, it never did. What the hell was the point? And who the hell is Margaret? I watched the whole stupid movie and there was nobody in it named Margaret! I'm still pissed. Can you tell?

8. I'm very appreciative of other cultures. I've traveled the world and done just fine with food, language, and customs. It's part of who I am. In fact, when I was in Africa I even tried zebra and giraffe. I don't eat red meat at all but it's what was being served so I went along. No biggie. I'll live.
However, my husband was subjected to a cultural experience in China this week that I don't think I could have survived.
Their party of about 18 people were at a traditional Chinese restaurant. The woman organizing the meal asked him if he'd be willing to try pigeon. Not wanting to offend, and because he truly is willing to try just about anything, he said sure.
What she didn't tell him is that everyone at the table gets their OWN PIGEON on a plate. The whole freaking bird, head and all.
That is not trying pigeon, that's diving in head first and eating a street bird.
Then, oh you're going to love this. Because he is the guest of honor, he is expected to KISS the pigeon on the mouth before they begin the meal. I have pictures of my husband kissing a pigeon.
I don't think I could have done it. Imagine pulling apart a bony bird and eating the meat? I think I would have had to offend China on that day.
He's certainly a good sport, and if he gets Bird Flu, it's his own fault for saying "sure".

9. It's supposed to be over 40 degrees and sunny tomorrow. I just might take the kids to the zoo and walk around while waiting for the hubs to land. Come on Spring! I can smell ya'!

10. Have I mentioned that I'm tired? Please send sleepy thoughts my way at about 9pm. Central time!

Have a great night folks.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

A Day Without Chocolate and Horizontal Stripes

Yesterday was a day without chocolate for me. In fact I managed to avoid all sugar for an entire day.
I felt I needed to take control of my life back. My addiction to sugar is a big one, and it makes me feel like crap.

Here's what I had:
Breakfast: Protein shake
Post work out snack: Protein bar
Lunch: Green protein shake (mostly veggies)
afternoon snack: Yogurt with flax mixed in
Dinner: Steel cut oatmeal made with soy milk and more flax.

I can't tell you how great I felt. Not just physically, but mentally. Being 'in control' is a marvelous thing.
One day at a time.

So, it's been a very long time since I've posted any pictures of myself. I'd hate if any of my followers were assuming I don't post pics because I've gone off the wagon and gained all the weight back!
That's not the case at all.

It's just that I'm in maintenance and pictures aren't as exciting when there's no difference from the ones you posted last time. Boring.

After I got dressed this morning, it dawned on me that I'm wearing HORIZONTAL stripes. What!? That never happened when I was heavy because, you know, those stripes would have made me look fat. Not the extra 80 pounds of weight I was carrying around, but the stripes. You know what I'm talking about.
So on this momentous occasion, I decided to take a picture.
Here you go...

I used the big mirror in my daughter's room to take the pic. Forgive the mess!

So, I can wear stripes, and a belt, just like a 'regular' person. That feels good. I don't even remember when I got here, but I like it.
I still have big legs and a butt that won't quit but I've learned to accept that. It's part of me.
Ironically enough, I just got back from my daughter's class where she read a book to her friends called "I Like Myself". I could take a lesson from a 1st grader.

I haven't forgotten my promise to post loose skin pictures. I just haven't found the time when my kids around. I really don't want them to witness that!

So there you have it my loves.

I hope at least for today, you're in control AND learning to love yourselves.
Have a great day!

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Good News, a Little Vitamin C Boost and the Band

The hubby made it to China safely. I had been laying wide awake in bed since 5am. waiting for his call to let me know he landed. He was trying to be considerate and wait until a reasonable hour to call, not wanting to wake me, but little did he know I was wide awake and anxious!
I always get a little anxious when he travels but this time it's worse because I'm reading a book about young widows, written by a woman who lost her husband when she was barely 40 years old. Nice reading material while your husband is thousands of miles away! Ack.

He came down with what I believe is an upper respiratory infection the day before he left. Thank God I had a refill of antibiotics that I never needed, and gladly gave it to him. Coughing up yellow slime before boarding a 15 hour flight didn't seem like my idea of fun. He's on the mend now and sounds much better after just 2 doses.

We decided we're pretty tired of getting sick with everything our kids bring home from school. We bought a case of that stuff called Emergen-C, which is a super mega dose of Vitamin C that you add to your water. I absolutely hate the taste of all the flavors (chemical-ish) but I'm willing to try anything to stop getting sick.
On a side note, I've also read several studies that say mega doses of Vitamin C can suppress the cancer cells we all have in our body, and prevent them from developing. Who wouldn't want some of that?!

For some reason my band decided to slam shut yesterday and make it impossible to eat anything all afternoon/evening. Not sure why that happens so often to me. I'm guessing it's because of this cold/sinus thing I have going on right now. Inflammation? I had a huge mug of hot tea which I sipped slowly all evening and gave up any idea of eating actual food. Feeling much better this am. and I'm slowly but surely getting my protein shake down. My new motto is "as long as I'm getting nutrition, I don't have to chew". Food is so overrated.

Because of my non-eating yesterday, the scale went back down to a comfortable 162. I know maintenance is supposed to be a 'range' but my brain never seems to accept that. I tend to bounce between 162-165 and that should be a reasonable range for someone in maintenance, but I cringe when it goes up to the high end. I hate it. I would like to stay the same exact weight every single day. I know that's unreasonable, and impossible. Stupid even. I'm working on that.
Further proof that fixing the head is much harder than fixing the body.

All the stores have their Easter stuff out now which is a very hard time for me. I don't care much about Halloween or Valentine candy, but Easter is a whole different story. Those darn Cad bury Mini Eggs are everywhere! I love them. Every perfect little morsel. Funny thing is I never even knew what they were until a few years ago when my BFF introduced me to them. I had them stuck in my head for days so I decided to do something about it.
I bought a mini bag of them while shopping with my kids. I told them that we would count how many were in the bag and divide them evenly. There happened to be 12 lovely eggs in the bag, so we weach got 4. It addressed my craving without doing too much damage. The great thing is that even though I wanted more, there were no more to be had, so I had to be happy with that. The old me would have bought the full size bag and gone to town, hating myself every step of the way.
By the way, the whole mini bag is about 210 calories, so I had 1/3 of that. Not too bad.

Well, I'm taking the girls to a movie this morning so I better get moving. That elliptical is calling my name.

I hope you all have a fantastic Sunday!