Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Your Mom is Fat

Let me tell you about my day yesterday...

First, you should know I woke up feeling fat. I started my T.O.M. and was all bloated and gross feeling.
I had a crappy, out of control eating day.

Also, I've been feeling the effects of lack of sunlight, worse than ever before. So, I've been feeling the blues, big time. Most days it takes a lot of work just to get out of bed.

Then, on top of that, I put the extra lining in my winter coat which always makes me feel a bit like the Michelin Man, all puffy and unable to move my arms. With the sub-zero wind chills, I needed it, but didn't like it.

So, I run out to get my kids off the bus as the snow is falling and it's already getting dark, but I'm just so happy to see my little angels. We get in the house and my littlest says...

"Derek said you're fat"

Wait. What? Who the heck is Derek?
A kid on our bus.
He said I'm fat?
Yup, he said 'your mom's fat!'.
What did you say?
Nothing, we just ignored him because we know you're not fat.

In my head: Don't freak out. He's 8 years old. Don't let a stupid kid ruin your day. There's a lesson here. Use it.

In my heart: That little fucker! He doesn't know how hard I've worked to get to a normal size, and I STILL get called FAT?! I could choke the little shit!

So, I took a deep breath and said: 

"I'm a normal size woman. I'm not fat or skinny, I'm just normal. But more importantly 'FAT' is not a nice word to use to describe anyone. Even if I didn't lose a lot of weight, it wouldn't be nice to call me fat. Next time Derek says something like that, you tell him it's not nice, and that I'm calling his mother to talk to her about it".

OK, I don't have the little jerks phone number. I don't even know who he is. I can't really call his mother and talk to her about this situation. I'm sure he doesn't know that.

I want to know how these little kids already know the word 'fat', and how to use it, and how to be hurtful. Who teaches their kids these things?
I personally try every day to teach my kids to be nice and respectful. I set an example by not saying mean things about our friends and neighbors. Children learn from what they see at home.

So, the good news is that even though I was feeling crappy, I didn't let that one innocuous comment set me off and ruin the rest of my day. There was a time in my life when that was possible.
I guess I believe in myself more now, and know my truth. I can't spend my life getting caught up in what other people think or say about me.

Know your own truth.
Teach your children well.
Be well!


Caron said...

I feel your pain. I remember a day when my kids were around 10 and 12 and I went out to find them to come in for dinner. As I walked toward them in the next door neighbor's yard, I heard one of the kids say loudly, "Who's that man?" Yes, my hair was quite short but MAN?! Gee whiz, I was wearing pink shorts. Sigh.

Love your closing. :)

Hollee said...

I'm sure that was uncomfortable for you. Once, the little boy I was nannying told me it would take two dolphins to pull me in the water instead of one. He said the same about his fit dad, so maybe he was referring to our height, but it hurt me.

Unfortunately, I don't think kids only learn this at home. I think this is a problem engrained in our society. I wrote a paper in college on body image and how when I was 4 years old, I went on my first diet, because I thought I was fat. The truth is, I wasn't fat until about the age of 7, but seriously, FIRST DIET AT 4 YEARS OLD?! Where in the world did I get that?! It wasn't from my home life, it was what I saw on TV. Until we stop letting society dictate standards of beauty, kids will keep learning hurtful things like who is "fat".

Jody V said...

Kids can be really cruel. I remember about 15 years ago I was in the doctor's office with my son and another kid told his Mom I was fat. It devastated me because I was. This kid is just mean.

Linda Sherwood said...

When I was heavy, my kids didn't see me as heavy. After I lost weight, I was talking to my kids and one of them brought up how she now understood when her friends would talk about me being fat; she could see it now that I was skinnier. It still hurt to hear.